How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
