Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
