I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
