you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
