my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
