I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
