Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
