I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
