I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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