I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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