I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
