Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
