I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
