my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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