Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
