Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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