The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
