He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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