roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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