I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
