i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
