we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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