Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Soap is not a condiment
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
