how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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