you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
