I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
