Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You made me cry and you don't even care
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
