remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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