dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
