Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize