You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
