are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.