Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.