Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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