Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
