this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
