my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
