The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
