I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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