do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
