My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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