I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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