I'm gonna have a badass scar
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I will pee on everything he values.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
