I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
