dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
