Porn is love you can see.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
