I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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