Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
