My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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