Can i not drive my cunt home
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
