Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
