She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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