you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
