you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
