i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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