True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
