dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
