found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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