forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
