I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
