I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So vagazzling was a success
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
