They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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