And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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