You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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