Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
