he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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