after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
